How To Be Happy: A Plan

Do you know how to be happy? I don’t think I had to learn how to be happy. I’ve always been a happy person. Of course, I’m human and have periods of sadness, anger, and frustration, just like everyone has, but these are usually short lived. I’ve always found it difficult to embrace a negative emotion for long periods of time, even though there have been times when I actually wanted to do so. For example, when I’ve been wronged by someone, I’d like to stay really good and mad at the person, but that’s usually impossible for me to do. Either the two of us work it out, or I just “write him off,” so to speak. I don’t allow him or her to take up space in my heart or in my head.

Perhaps some of you are thinking that maybe I’m happy because I have a perfect life. Well, first of all, there’s no such thing as a perfect life. Secondly, few objective observers would think that my life is perfect. I have several health problems, and so does my husband. I never know when my next visit to the oncologist might deliver my “death sentence.” I also have chronic pain that I live with every day. We’re certainly not rich, either, and we sometimes struggle financially, as most middle-class Americans do – especially in the present economy. My daughters and their young families struggle even more, and I try to help them when I can. My kids have been in trouble when they were younger, which caused me a lot of stress, and I had a very stressful job. I went through a bad divorce, too. I was the chief caregiver to my mother, who had Alzheimer’s. My father shot himself. No, I haven’t had a perfect life.

You know what, though? I think my life is great! You never have to look far to realize just how fortunate you really are. I have a wonderful husband, a loving family, and a comfortable home. We always have food on the table, air conditioning in the summer, and heat in the winter. I have the right to vote and the right to express my opinion, along with the right to worship or not worship as I wish. I have some awesome friends who I know I can always count on.

I think people often choose to be happy or unhappy, even though it might not be a conscious choice. Being happy is often an attitude. I know people who seem to have everything they could possibly want, yet they’re some of the most miserable humans on the planet. I once had a close friend who was attractive, healthy, and wealthy, with a beautiful home, a great career, and a loving husband and family. Even with all this, she was always unhappy. I suppose she still is – we don’t keep in contact any longer. At the other end of the spectrum, I’ve known people for whom everyday life was a real struggle, yet they always seemed to be happy. That’s why I say that being happy is often about attitude.

What is happiness? Well, that’s the $64,000 question, isn’t it? Humans have probably been asking, “What is happiness?” for eons. There’s no single definitive all-encompassing answer to this age-old question. Being happy means different things to different individuals, and it might also depend on situations. For example, for someone in a war zone, happiness might mean peace. Being happy for the hungry might be as simple as having adequate food. A lonely person might equate happiness with finding a friend. Someone suffering from a serious illness would find that happiness is good health. Some people think happiness is all about financial gain. What is happiness? Only you can determine what happiness is for yourself.

I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage: Before others can love you, you have to love yourself. The same holds true for being happy. You can’t be happy with others or with life, in general, until you find inner happiness. How to be happy with yourself? Sometimes we’re much too hard on ourselves, and we concentrate more on our mistakes and our shortcomings than we do on our accomplishments and positive attributes. Okay, so you’ve made some mistakes in life. Who hasn’t? The point is that you need to learn from those mistakes and learn from them, then move on.

Being happy means self-acceptance. If there’s something about yourself that you don’t like, only you have the power to change it. Don’t try to “remake” yourself all at one time, however. Choose one personality trait that you’d like to change, and work on it a little at a time. And for goodness sakes, don't take yourself too seriously!

It’s easier to learn how to be happy when you’re surrounded by positive, uplifting people. Even if you’re a happy person, it’s hard to be happy when you’re around people who are mad or gloomy all the time. To be happy, make lasting personal relationships with other happy people. Humans are social animals, and we thrive on human contact and interaction with others. When you have close friends, you have a support network. You have someone to laugh with, to cry with. You have a sounding board for when you’re angry or frustrated, and you have a willing ear to listen when you’re depressed.

Learn how to be happy with a pet…or two! As a whole, pet owners are happier and healthier, and they even live longer than folks who don’t have pets. And this isn’t my opinion – it’s backed up by numerous studies. You can totally be yourself with animals, so there’s no need to assume a false persona when you interact with them. They don’t care if you’re beautiful, smart, wealthy, or politically correct. They’re always happy to see you and are ready to offer a loving nudge or snuggle.

Having a pet also gives you a purpose. A living creature is totally depending on you for its happiness and survival. It gives you the opportunity to be nurturing and affectionate without worrying about how your actions will be judged. A pet can give you years of happiness and fulfillment, along with lots of unconditional love. After all, according to the Peanuts gang, happiness is a warm puppy!

I think this might just be the most effective lesson in learning how to be happy in life. When you give of yourself, whether that includes money, time, or goods, it makes you feel better about yourself. It also takes your focus off your own problems and expands your outlook. It helps you to realize that “it’s not all just about you.” When you help those less fortunate, it doesn’t take you long to realize how good you have it, in comparison.

Want to know how to be happy? Volunteer at a soup kitchen or an animal shelter. Visit a nursing home or a pediatric care hospital unit. Donate to a charity. Help an illiterate adult learn to read. Spend some time with a shut-in.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always tried to make sure I had something to look forward to. I did this even as a child, and I honestly believe this played a part in my overall happiness. I still do it, too. It’s not usually something big. It might be going out to lunch with one of my daughters, or going out to dinner with friends, or going shopping with a family member or pal. I think the psychology behind this is that having something to look forward to keeps you looking ahead instead of back. It keeps your focus in the right direction instead of dwelling on the past.

Learn how to be happy by immersing yourself in a hobby. I’ve found that those with hobbies and interests are usually happier and better adjusted. This works on several levels of being happy. For one thing, engaging in a hobby or interest takes your mind off your troubles. For another thing, it often provides an outlet for your creativity, and it gives you a sense of accomplishment. Participating in a hobby might also give you the chance to meet others who have the same interests, opening the door to new friendships.

Goal-setting has always been important to me, and I don’t think I’d be happy without goals. They don’t have to be big goals – little ones work just fine. Setting goals and achieving them gives me a sense of accomplishment and self-worth, helping me to be happy. I set goals for myself every day, and sometimes I even write them down. For example, I might decide that I want to write five articles on Monday, clean the bathrooms on Tuesday, write five backlinks on Wednesday, wash the dogs on Thursday, and so on. I realize this sounds really simple, but you’d be surprised at how well it works as part of my “be happy plan.”

As I said earlier, I’m big on forgiveness. What most people don’t realize is that forgiveness is more for the benefit of the forgiver than it is for the forgivee. For example, the guy at the office who stepped on you in order to take your promotion doesn’t give a hoot if you’ve forgiven him or not, so your lack of forgiveness isn’t hurting him at all – it’s hurting you. Hate and anger are dark cancers that dwell in your heart and gradually consume you. Learn to let it go. That doesn’t mean you have to be pals with someone who’s wronged you, but for your own inner peace, grant forgiveness. Turn that negative energy into something positive.

I believe that in order to learn how to be happy in life, we have to believe in something larger than ourselves. For me, this is Christianity. For you, it might be another religion, or it could be something that has nothing at all to do with religion. It might be science, art, nature, or “the music of the spheres.” Whatever it is, embrace it. Revel in it. Find solace and inspiration in it. Set aside some time each day specifically for this purpose. Use the time to pray, to meditate, to reflect, or to marvel. Even the most jaded cynic can find awe in something. I experience wonder every day. I might find it in a spectacular sunset, in the power of a storm, or in watching my youngest grandchild learning something new.

Start today with learning how to be happy in life. Make a conscious effort. Life is short, as they say, so why spend another precious day being miserable? You have the power to change your life for the better – no one else can do it for you. Happiness is not in wealth or material things. Happiness is within. Some people have to learn how to be happy, while for others, being happy just seems to come naturally. Just remember that true happiness is not external – it’s internal. You have to be happy with yourself before you can learn how to be happy in life.