What's a Paraprosdokian?

As a lover of words and language, I really enjoy colorful figures of speech, including paraprosdokians. You’re probably used or heard lots of paraprosdokian sentences or paraprosdokian phrases. I enjoy making up my own, but I also enjoy reading paraprosdokian quotes that others have invented. Many times, a paraprosdokian will stop to make you think about what you’ve just heard. They often elicit a smile or a giggle, too. If you have a good paraprosdokian, please add it in the comment section!

Paraprosdokian definition

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech where the last part of a phrase or sentence doesn’t match the first part. In other words, the second half of the phrase or sentence is somewhat of a surprise. Paraprosdokians often begin with the first part of an old saying or adage, but the ending is changed, often for a comedic effect. Sometimes, however, a paraprosdokian can have a deeper meaning that might reveal a truth. An example of paraprosdokian quotes that fall into this category would be “A woman without a man…is like a fish without a bicycle.”

Money can’t buy love…but it makes it easier to rent!

Where there’s a will…I hope to be in it!

Time flies…when you’re paying by the hour.

Time flies…and poops on your face!

You’re never too old to learn something…totally useless.

Change is inevitable…except from a vending machine.

Four score and seven years ago…I could remember the rest of this!

Fight fire with fire…but water works better.

Always remember that you’re unique…just like everyone else.

Behind every successful man is his woman…behind the fall of every successful man is the other woman.

Money can’t buy happiness…but it makes suffering so much more comfy!

If you’re not part of the solution…you’re probably a politician.

Work fascinates me…I could sit and watch it for hours!

Honesty is the best policy…except when you’re doing your taxes.

Before you judge someone, walk a mile in his shoes…then you’ll have free shoes and be a mile away so the owner can’t catch you.

Life is just a bowl of…cream of wheat, at my age!

Old soldiers never die…they get desk jobs at the Pentagon.

Teach a man to fish…and you’ll never see him on weekends.

A woman’s place is…in the mall.

The Bible says “spare the rod and spoil the child”…so that’s what I do. I spare the rod, and I spoil the grandchildren.

Gentlemen prefer…women who aren’t ladies.

The early bird gets the worm…but the second mouse gets the cheese.

When in Rome…be sure to have lots of cash.

The long arm of the law…often has a donut at one end.

I don’t drink anymore…or any less.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism…to steal from many is research.

War doesn’t determine who is right…only who is left.

Two guys walk into a bar…you’d think one of them would have seen it.

I used to have a perfect body…but it’s been in my trunk for a week and is beginning to smell.

I used to be conceited…but now I’m perfect.

A bird in the hand…can be pretty nasty.

Famous paraprosdokian quotes

If I could just say a few words…I’d be a better public speaker. Homer Simpson

Outside a dog, a book is man’s best friend…inside a dog, it’s too dark to read. Groucho Marx

I sleep eight hours a day…and at least ten at night. Bill Hicks

It’s not the men in my life that counts…it’s the life in my men. Mae West

You only live once…but if you do it right, once is enough. Mae West

A fool and his money are soon…elected. Will Rogers

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father…not screaming and terrified like his passengers. Bob Monkhouse

I haven’t slept for ten days…because that would be too long. Mitch Hedberg

Variety is the spice of life…marriage is a big can of leftover Spam. Johnny Carson

If you can’t beat ‘em…arrange to have them beaten. George Carlin

Curiosity killed the cat…but for a while, I was a suspect. Steven Wright

Action speaks louder than words…but not nearly as often. Mark Twain

The road to success…is always under construction. Lily Tomlin

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty…now she’s ninety-seven, and we don’t know where the hell she is. Ellen Degeneres

Time is a great teacher…but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils. Louis Hector Berlioz